As the year ends, I’ve decided it’s time to make some profound changes. I’ll see how long this outlook lasts. By some fault of my own, I am a people pleaser. I just want to make up for all the times I’ve disappointed or hurt the people I love. I am convinced that I deserve pain and suffering. Broken souls, I try to fix. Always wanting from unwilling people. Continuously falling for sweet nothings in my ear. Yes, I am delusional beyond repair.

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Everyone tells me I should be grateful for the things I have, which makes me feel like absolute scum. I am well aware that I have an excellent relationship with my sister. I have a fantastic select group of friends. My soulmate is all wrapped up in the cutest, furriest cat. I continue to climb the ladder at work no matter how many times I jump off it. I went from being homeless to having my place. So why not be happy? Why do I always want more? You’re young, have fun, and stop being so morbid. You’re always sad and angry; you’re so emotionally draining and dramatic. You’re so overly excited; grow up. No matter what, I’m just a contradiction.

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My heart glows, illuminates, and radiates like fireworks on the 4th of July. Unconditional, incredible, indescribable love. A bond, I believe, was established in another lifetime. My soulmate I finally found. I thank God for listening to my prayers because they brought me back to you, the love of my life, previous lives, afterlives, and everything in between.
Yours,
Ivelisse

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Connections that are severed are like broken mirrors. If it’s broken, you can fix it, but you will always see the cracks in the reflection. I don’t make many connections, so even when they are destroyed to the point that they are unrecognizable, I try to put them back together. Sometimes it’s okay to press that block button. Feel the heartache, cry heavy tears, and question it every day; until you don’t.

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Why must we be so complicated? In a perfect world, you’d always be right by my side. Now I lay in bed tossing and turning, missing you, craving your cuddles. Your laugh and smile. The way your eyes shine when we exchange I love you’s. But life isn’t a fairytale…

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Ivelisse Torres

Since I can remember, my greatest joy has come from helping people. I hope that my writing can help you as it begins to heal me.