I remember wanting to be an adult to spoil my mom with beautiful gifts. She deserved the world. I would go outside and pick flowers. Unfortunately, she passed away, and I never got the opportunity. I miss her so much. As I get older, Mother’s Day is indeed a double-edged sword. It’s a reminder that she’s gone and that my dream of having a family is out of reach. Twenty-eight isn’t old, but if you had to grow up quickly like I did, you’d understand. Ever since I was a girl, I wanted to be a mother. I wanted to start a family at 25, almost four years later, without a partner and a child. Being wished a Happy Mother’s Day with my dream crushed is a different pain. I feel so unaccomplished and ashamed. Maybe someday.

You have ever looked around and thought, what’s the point? Why must we suffer in life to be freed by death? Yet our death causes others to suffer while we finally find peace? A planet that provides everything to us single-handedly destroyed in our hands. It all just seems unnecessary. It’s hard to remain hopeful when you look around, and everything is so ugly, instead of coexisting in harmony despite our differences. It seems like a competition to see who has the best life. In the end, it doesn’t even matter. We all end up scattered or buried. History repeats itself, and our legacies; are forgotten like everything else

I feel empty. I feel lonely. I feel hopeless. The void is getting deeper. My heart is even weaker. My soul is lost. I am trying to find myself at all costs. Love feels like a distant memory. I am living life with no energy.

If someone is genuinely interested, they will show it. No matter how busy or chaotic their life is, people prioritize who they want and what they want. Boundaries are important. Be firm with them. If someone treats them as a suggestion, they will follow suit and treat you as such. …

As the year ends, I’ve decided it’s time to make some profound changes. I’ll see how long this outlook lasts. By some fault of my own, I am a people pleaser. I just want to make up for all the times I’ve disappointed or hurt the people I love. I am convinced that I deserve pain and suffering. Broken souls, I try to fix. Always wanting from unwilling people. Continuously falling for sweet nothings in my ear. Yes, I am delusional beyond repair.

I arrive at my apartment. I am exhausted from another work day. It’s the holidays; it’s expected. The company that I work for got acquired by a more prominent company. It’s overwhelming and confusing. I muster the energy to smile and laugh because this doesn’t just affect me. I always…

Everyone tells me I should be grateful for the things I have, which makes me feel like absolute scum. I am well aware that I have an excellent relationship with my sister. I have a fantastic select group of friends. My soulmate is all wrapped up in the cutest, furriest cat. I continue to climb the ladder at work no matter how many times I jump off it. I went from being homeless to having my place. So why not be happy? Why do I always want more? You’re young, have fun, and stop being so morbid. You’re always sad and angry; you’re so emotionally draining and dramatic. You’re so overly excited; grow up. No matter what, I’m just a contradiction.

It’s only been three days since you went to the treatment center, and it feels like forever. I’m so happy and incredibly proud of you for doing this, but selfishly I wish you were here. I miss you so much; my heart breaks at the thought of you being away…

I left a toxic relationship and thought my life from that point forward was going to be amazing. In some ways, it has definitely improved, but I’ve derailed my progress in others. For example, I was always the caretaker in all my pivotal friendships and relationships. As a provider, I…